He looks so beautiful, and he so rarely has boob-snoozes anymore that I really want to leave him there and enjoy the moment. Not to mention I get to do this while he sleeps!

But… there’s also a load of crap in his drawers…

Uh huh.

Well Katy, I’d have to say that pretending to belong to a marginalized minority group a la “I kissed a girl and I liked it” in order to titillate male fans into buying your music is equally cheap.  Lucrative, but cheap nonetheless.

Not that I love Gaga’s performances, I just feel the need to point out that no matter how big your house is after selling 2 million albums, if it’s made of glass, you still shouldn’t throw stones inside it.

But there are some things that really just escape me completely.  Like Sarah Palin, quantum theory, and this: the Garlic Saver.

This little gadget, as the name suggests, is a keeper of garlic cloves.  And I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why one would wish to purchase a device whose sole purpose is to house an item of which the device itself is an exact replica; and whose claim to utility lay in that it is so well ventilated within its enclosure, that it’s almost as good as an unenclosed environment.  Why would I not just put the actual garlic clove on the counter, unenclosed in the first place?

The saddest part, by far is that someone spent time, effort and undoubtedly money inventing this thing.  And now that he’s done, he’s moved on to inventing something even lamer. 

Perhaps right now that guy is sitting at his desk designing a shell that is molded in the exact size and shape of a car and is slightly easier to break open than an actual car, that can be put over your car to almost protect it from theft.

Or maybe I’m just not as smart as I thought I was, and this is a must-have kitchen accessory…?

Yup, I’d say it’s going to be a good one

R.I.P.

The first thing I saw was a video by someone I’d never heard of before: Elise Estrada.  This girl spent 4 full minutes having lesbian orgies in an outfit that makes me suspect she was there when David Carradine died.  Admittedly, she’s probably quite pretty even after you remove the teal eye-shadow that covered her natural eyebrows and mingled closely with her hair line.  But then came Girlicious.

I’m pretty sure that this particular group creates what Barney Stinson (from How I Met Your Mother) so aptly described as the “cheerleader effect.”  If you separated the girls and, more importantly dressed them in something more than panties, you’d probably discover they’re not all that hot.  But forget their wardrobe, what’s with the token fat black guy?  Why is he there?  Would the song really suffer if they left out his intermittent “woos” and “oh yeahs?”  Are we supposed to think that they’re not shallow because they’re hanging out with the fat guy even as they sing “look at me, ain’t I hot?”  Because I’m not buying it.

When that was done it was time for Lady Gaga.  What kind of name is Gaga anyway? And what’s with the eternal absence of pants?  Moreover, what’s with the absence of any clothing in whichever video it was I saw this morning?  In one segment, she’s wearing nothing but body paint and Beadazzler vomit, while sitting on a concrete bench giving a male dancer a view of her anatomy that is ordinarily reserved for those with obstetrical degrees.  The rest of the video is spent by her and her dancers in a very Michael Jackson-esque series of crotch grabs.

What amazes me most about this woman is that no one seems to have noticed that from the neck up, she really is quite hideous.  I’m sure the pant thing is specifically designed to draw your attention down below the neck, so kudos to her for a winning strategy.  Also, she’s cleverly cut her bangs halfway down her face preventing us from clearly seeing it even if we can resist the expanse of bare leg flesh below.

But hey, at least the bareness is saving me from yet another rerun of Emmanuelle.

It does not require foods with names like ”white meat chicken and cheddar cheese soufflé with garden greens.”  It’s palate does not need to be “dazzled” with “elegant medleys.”

Cats have been around for 10 million years, and in all that time they have survived quite well by gnawing on the raw carcasses of animals they’ve clawed to death.  Can we please try to keep some sort of grip on reality?

http://fancyfeast.com/elegant-medleys/souffle/

Seriously, I can live without alternating current and vector analysis.

I have yet to come across an online environmental forum that doesn’t have a thread to the effect of “What do you do to save the environment?” and invariably these threads go something like this:

“I haven’t bought a new shirt in 10 years, so I save cotton.”

“I haven’t washed my shirt in 10 years, so I save water.”

“I haven’t washed myself in 10 years, so I save soap.”

or…

“I put a water saver in my toilet.”

“I decided only to flush (my already low-flow toilet) when I do a number two.”

“I do my number two right in the compost pile.”

Seriously? Come on people. Does anyone think this one-upmanship really gets us anywhere? It is possible to be an EcoCrusader without subjecting one’s neighbours to body-odour or composted faeces.

Probably the best example of this phenomenon I have is from a blog called “How do I Recycle This?” One woman wrote in that she was out for dinner with some friends and someone at the table ordered mussels. When they were finished, there was a bowl full of shells, and she was wondering if there was a way to reuse them, if she was ever in that situation again. One oh so helpful “eco-elitist” replied that, if she actually cared about the environment, she wouldn’t have eaten them in the first place.

Now, what did he think he was going to accomplish with this attitude? Here was a person who had not only considered recycling something that most people wouldn’t look at twice, but had actually followed up the thought by actively researching a solution to the problem. She was being proactive. She deserved a big fat high-five. Not a snarky ‘you-should-be-doing-more’ reply.

Because really, we could all be doing more. We could all forsake electricity entirely. We could move to caves and eat the organic lichen off the walls. We could hold in our farts to save the methane. We could do many things. But the one thing we absolutely MUST do, is support each other.

Being the eco-minded woman that I am, I love to imagine waking up in the morning to a world with six billion people who choose smaller cars, eat only in-season food, buy wind power, and keep a composter (faeces free, of course.) Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen until the physical evidence of what is happening to our planet blatantly stares all six billion of its inhabitants in the face.  And that might not happen until it’s too late.

In the mean time, the future of man kind essentially rests on our shoulders. It rests with those of us who educate ourselves, share our knowledge with others, and make better choices every day. But some (in fact, I fear many) of us, are determined to be EcoZealots, and in so being are systematically destroying the work the others do.

This behaviour accomplishes nothing but to guarantee that environmentalism never truly gains mainstream status. It guarantees the continuation of the “crazy hippie” stereotype. It guarantees the alienation of anyone not yet committed to mitigating the dangerous changes that our planet is undergoing.

Until my dreams come true and all six billion of us are on board, we can’t afford to lose anyone who signs up; no matter how small a registration fee they pay. We have to applaud every CFL, every roll of FSC certified toilet paper, every mussel shell recycled, because we have an infinitely better chance of getting this planet back in shape with millions making these meager changes, than if a select few of us move back to the lichen caves, live methane-neutral and lament the others not following.

Let’s not forget, it’s about the planet, not bragging rights. Down with EcoElitism!